Ashamedly I must admit to half-ass watching Love That Girl this evening. I was in a deep, medicine induced, migraine fighting haze and then I woke up to an interesting scenario playing out on the screen. Tatyana Ali’s character was on a date (I assume it was a blind date) with Omar Gooding. Long story short, he was a bamma. Her best friend, who was watching her from another table to save her if necessary, wound up joining them for dinner and got along with Gooding better than Ali. Dear sweet Taty went IN on him, and even went as far as telling her bestie that if SHE thought he was so cool, she should date him. Cut to the next scene and the best friend is bringing him into Tatyana’s office to purchase a house, and in a matter of a few days, they are “boo’d up.” Now despite Tatyana’s protests just a mere 48 hours earlier, she’s now visibly and verbally upset with her best friend about breaking “the code”. Fast forward, after insults and jabs were hurled, Tatyana realizes how wack she was being and the best friend drops the bomb that she and ole boy aren’t even seeing each other anymore.

And how many times have we seen this?

One thing men have down pat is loyalty…or at least clarity about what loyalty means to them. We as women have varying moral compasses and they vary based on what we believe, how we feel and where we are in our lives. Some of us anyway. Loyalty is something that I don’t play with, and when privy to some situations where women make questionable decisions regarding men and their friends, sometimes I have to wonder. Maybe the “rules” aren’t the same for everyone, but if you aren’t playing by any rules, be prepared for what’s coming for you, because as I heard earlier this evening, “one thing’s for sure and 2 things are for certain”, karma is a big bitch and any man who will let you wreck a friendship to be with him doesn’t care about you OR your friend. Now let’s get into this.

1. Say what you mean and mean what you say: If you don’t like a dude, and especially if there hasn’t been more than a Tall Frappuccino shared between you, don’t give your friend the green light if you don’t mean it. This isn’t a test of loyalty; this is a revelation of stupidity. If you’re the type who, no matter what, just doesn’t want to see any of her old toys restored and used to a better benefit, even if they don’t quite fit the criteria of “yours”, just keep em to yourself. Otherwise, you will look up and the “schmuck” that you thought he was will now become someone else’s Prince Charming.

2. Thou shalt NOT be with, sleep with or think about my ex anything: If that’s not clear enough for you, then you’re probably friendless already and there’s no hope for you. Men may be ok with their boys doing the “smash and grab” on a woman they’re not serious about, but they don’t play that kind of madness with a women they’ve settled down with and/or married. They draw a line as well. If he and I have dated, slept together, been in a public or lengthy relationship, been engaged, gotten married or had children, even if we fall apart and I hate his guts and the ground he walks on, if you are MY friend, it is NEVER okay for you to run behind that OR entertain his advances. Period.

3. If you’re gonna side-step #2, come to me SWIFTLY and DIRECTLY, before you’ve made your move: Some friends are ok with #2 being violated, LGB will snap your neck, I’m not. However, if you find yourself in the position where you can rationalize how your friend and ole dude weren’t really that serious, or he gives you lines discounting or discrediting her or you just decide to be a raggedy friend, make sure that you go to your friend IMMEDIATELY to discuss your decision to be raggedy. Don’t make moves, boo up and then want a silver star for telling your friend after the fact or once the cat is out of the bag and y’all run into each other at Chili’s. Be accountable. Be responsible. And be prepared to be friendless. By that point you will have hoped decided that he is worth it.

Ladies, it’s 2012 and lot of us are single. And don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that by the way. It does not mean that something is wrong with you or that we need to abandon all sense of self-worth or loyalty to each other, especially those of whom we call friends. When we allow the possibility of being with someone overshadow our commitment to those who hold us down in every season of our lives, we run the risk of losing the very person who we’ll need to pick up the pieces when the isht doesn’t work out. Even though Love That Girl isn’t sitcom genius (actually it’s downright awful), it got one point right…these dudes will come and go, but sisterhood/friendship has got to be forever.

Women: do you have any rules of your own when it comes to friends and dating? Lost any good friends due to rules being broken?

Men: have you ever pit friends against one another on purpose? How did that work out?

As always, I welcome the discussion here and on Twitter…follow me at @lilgyrlblue