A group of friends and I went out a few weeks ago at an event and had the opportunity to meet a local artist. Now, ladies, when I tell you that this man was FOINE, please understand that I am in no way, shape or form exaggerating the claim. He was tall, polite, beautiful smile, had strong, yet soft hands and insisted on hugging each of us to thank us for supporting his showing that night. As he moved away to work the rest of the room, we all looked to each other and gave the “he could get it” look.
As Mr. Perfect walked away with, his manly frame still in my peripheral, something caught my eye: His wedding band. *sigh* It would figure that my fantasy had already been claimed by someone else. While the girls and I enjoyed the hors d’oeuvres and free wine being passed, I observed this man moving from group to group, eventually taking a moment to himself, never once being joined by his better half. I mean, this was kind of a big deal presentation and Mrs. Dream Snatcher never materialized.
As the evening drew to a close (and as I was STILL watching him with my good eye), I did happen to notice that there was a particular woman that managed to elicit his undivided attention. She was giving him all the “I’m available and interested” signals and was not wearing a ring herself. The crew and I made our exit before the guest of honor and his newfound friend finished their conversation, but the extremely nosey broad in me wanted to see how the whole situation would pan out. It was not out of the realm of possibility that the two of them went elsewhere to get to know one another a little more or to have a night cap. It is 2012…
Before attending the opening, I did a good Google search on the artist and got to know a little more about his background, education, upcoming exhibits, collaborations, shoe size, but there was no printed mention of his wife. Anywhere. On the entire internet. What’s up with that?
It turns out that the artist and I have a friend in common and I asked what was up with the whole situation. My friend aligned with man code and just said, “Dude is married. That’s all I can tell you.”
Since all this happened, I have started to pay a bit more attention to attractive, high-profile men that purposely omit mentions of their wives or significant others. It takes government-level espionage to find a name, let alone a picture of them together. And somehow, the women on the other side of these arrangements are OK with this?
Please understand that if sweet Jesus of Nazareth blessed me with a man as attractive and talented as the one I described in this here post, ALL of y’all would know that we were together, especially if we were married. There would be no way that I would be comfortable with the thought of other women thinking he was available for choosing.
What do y’all think? Could you be the “secret wife”? Does keeping yourself in the shadows open the door for him to play?
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I don’t think it’s an issue of being ‘secret’, but some people just don’t want to have to deal with the public spotlight. Being with someone who is Known is tiring, especially if you’re an introvert. Many people have no idea that I’m married and I don’t hide it. My husband will often hide himself and I’m not even famous.
All that being said, the spouse that is always there doesn’t often get talked about as “supportive”, people see him/her looking to get attention, too. If you had seen his wife, hanging all over him, this article could have been about “women insecure in their relationships”. I think some people know all of this and are willing to be in the shadows.
I’ve heard that some “artists” that aren’t well-known celebrities do this [omit mention of s/o]. I think somebody told them (manager, publicist, etc.) that subconsciously, some fans are merely a fan because of looks. As a result, they will more likely do fan stuff (come out to all their events, buy whatever they’re an artist of, etc.) to feel some sort of physical connection to the artist to outwardly reflect how they subconsciously feel.
Sounds crazy, but if it was well-known that an artist (especially if they are trying to “come up”) has a significant other, chances are those fans who somehow feel connected to the artist will subconsciously detach, and the artist will loose support.
I know, I know, that all sounds
retahdedstrange, but sex appeal does drive attention (read: sales). Now, I can’t speak to homeboy stepping out because his wife is cool with playing the background (hence the “I’m not disclosing nothing but the obvious” comment from your friend of a friend), but I can kinda see how an artist (singer, poetry, designermodel…whatever) has that “he could get it” look would want to milk that for more attention (read: sales).If his wife believes that’s why he does it and trusts that he is not taking her kindness for weakness, (it may not be kryptonite to other thirsty chicks, but he was wearing a wedding ring), if it works for them…
Or, I could just be way off in left field…but it sounds plausible (in my mental mind, lol).
Personally, I make sure folks know i’m married…but I’m not an artist and I don’t think women refer to me “Mr. Perfect”, so i’m not sure if our situation is the same.
But he WAS wearing a ring. You don’t have to go out of your way to do that, you know. True, it only means as much as you make it, but it was there. It clearly meant something to you… so it’s not like he was “in the wrong”. Some people are flirty. In my own case, we are both professionals with schedules that often conflict on evening and personal engagements. We support each other going out and being social, even if both parties can’t attend. No hidden agendas, just life. And I am never out without my ring. Ever. Neither is he. I don’t expect every woman or man to respect our relationship (though that would be AMAZING!), it’s OUR job to protect our relationship.
Well there are a couple of semi-positive explanations that i can think of. First is that like most “celebs”, he was told by his manager or whomever to downplay his relationship so as not to scare of his fans which are all most likely females driven by lust. The second could be that the lady he was getting chummy with may have in fact been his wife and they’re just into that “stranger in a bar” role-play kinda stuff. #kinky
Or he could’ve just been entertaining her advances cuz she’s helping put food on his table by supporting his craft.
I wouldn’t be ok with being a secret wife, but i also don’t have to be all out on front street either with it. As long as it’s known that he’s taken and/or he’s respecting our vows, then its whatever i suppose. (that what i say now that i’m not anybody’s secret anything lol)
There are some dangerous assumptions in this post. I didn’t see anything that even hinted at any kind of illicit relationship, or something that said that the wife was somehow being “kept in the shadows”.
My wife and I have different interests. While we support each other, I’m not going to be a all of her ph.D. outings and she’s not at all of my tech geek video game get togethers.
I do keep my marriage rather private and its a shame if it’s assumed that something shady is going on.
I agree with Shareef.
Maybe his wife was busy doing HER on THIS particular evening. If he wasn’t hiding his “proof of marriage” (wedding band), I say give the brotha the beni(fit of the doubt).
‘Sides…being ‘announcey’ about your union does not make it a happy, fidelity-filled one.
As always…thanks for the post!
secret wife? that’s funny. the ring tells so it isnt a secret. married to whom? would it be different if his spouse was a man? would you still want to know more about his/their personal marital agreement? maybe the marriage is open. maybe his wife is dead. maybe he’s getting a divorce. i mean, seriously, a marriage is about and between the people who made the commitment. if you aren’t on the table with having a relationship with him, what does it really matter? if he’s into extramarital relationships, you wouldn’t even be an option. if you are, then that’s another story.
Unfortunately, M. Wins wasn’t able to add the rest of the story because she didn’t want to put anybody ALLLLL the way on front street (the parties read the site lol), but let me just say….after hearing the REST of this story….
Dude is definitely keeping his wife a secret….and…he’s creeping. #Shady
and another one…
well, as i say: if your man is good looking, other women think so, too… & so does he. fidelity will always be a battle. better to part ways or renegotiate the relationship, unless ignoring it or living in denial is working