2012 just began and this year, I’m aiming to try some new things. While I dipped my toe into the online dating world last year, I figured I’d give it another shot this year. While I don’t think I’ll meet my future husband, at the very least I’ll expand my social circle, hopefully have some fun, and have some interesting stories to write about (I DO need to start on that book, after all).
Last night I was polishing up my profile on a dating site when I noticed a few things that kinda suck:
There aren’t enough black men: I know, some people think black women should expand our dating prospects. And while I agree with not limiting yourself, I have a major soft spot for the brothas (sue me). I mentioned this to a friend and she wondered if, perhaps, black men had too many options already and didn’t need to “resort” to online dating. That stung…was I “resorting” or was I just broadening the field? Hmmmm.
There aren’t enough black men who want to date black women: On the off chance that I have run across a black dude on a dating site (in my local area & age group), I notice that he’ll hint at wanting to date “others.” Usually this can be sussed out by his use of phrases like, “I’m not the average black guy,” or “I like ‘exotic’ women,” or “Unlike other black people, I like rock music.” While there’s nothing wrong with rock (I listen on occasion), having to specific that you’re not like OTHER “normal” (read: stereotypical) black people tells me you’re probably uncomfortable with your race and you looking for Becky.
Luring me in with freebies, only to hit me up for cash when I try to reach out: Man, listen. Most dating sites aren’t free…and I get that, but why do they try to trick you into thinking they are? Most sites allow you to sign up for free, browse profiles, and even make contact with people you find interesting, only to snatch it all away the moment you want to read what somebody wrote to you. Once that happens they start trying to hold your credit card info hostage. It’s like a crack dealer giving you the bomb free samples, then charging you for the weak ish once you’re hooked. Just give me the price up front.
Have you tried online dating sites? What are some things that you think suck?
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Gurrrrrl please,
Where to begin…
More Things That Suck About Online Dating Sites (As a Black Woman Who Has Tried & Tried)
1). Pictures are Deceptive: Now I’m not shallow and I don’t mind if my date is really 6’1 when his profile says he’s 6’3, but I’ve met up with a few men who look COMPLETELY different in person than they do online. Not cool. That’s false advertising right?
2). The Black Girl Fetish: I’ve noticed that I get messages from A TON of white men who’ve never dated a Black woman, but have always wanted to do so. That’s cool, but I’m not interested in helping you fulfill some Black girl fetish fantasy. Of course not all white men who date Black women fit this description, but the ones who do are just terrible.
3). Men on the Rebound: I’ve gotten pretty good at identifying the men who have only set up an online dating profile because they are on the rebound. It’s pretty common, but trust me, these ARE NOT the men you want to date. If he just got divorced or got dumped by his girlfriend, there’s a good chance he’s just looking for a booty call or will end up running back to his ex in a month or two. Next.
4). Not Enough Professional Black Men: Your article mentioned that there aren’t many Black men who online date, but in my experience there just aren’t enough professional Black men doing so. In a week, I get about 4 or 5 messages from white lawyers, teachers, consultants, etc. and about 10 messages from Black men are unemployed and/or have extensive criminal records. Sigh.
That said, i’ve actually met a couple of nice guys, but the horror stories far outweigh the winners. Tis life.
Best ot luck to ya,
-Victoria D.
Victoria,
You are 100% correct…lol. Especially about the black girl fetish & not enough professional men. It’s….almost…weird. I’m popular in parts of Romania and Spain apparently cuz I get tons of messages from foreign European men.
my homegirl has no problem finding a plethora of black men online, who want to date, fly to see her, pay to fly her across the country, etc.
but yeah, she’s white
oh yeah, & they eventually dont be worth shit. same negro, different venue
lol
i feel like most black men online indeed are looking for something out of the ordinary, because they know (think) they can hook up with a sista down the block