I was listening to a popular radio show the other day and the idea following the popular movie “Hall Pass” came into discussion. Men and women were being polled to determine if they would give their significant other a “pass” to step out of the relationship, share an evening (sexual experience) with someone ELSE and then fall back in line.

The very idea is absolutely ludicrous to me, as it was to many, but there was a small percentage that said they would or had taken advantage of this…and surprisingly, both were women. The men emphatically stated, NO, they wouldn’t give nor take a hall pass, which further cements that when a man REALLY loves a woman, he doesn’t want to share her. The women, however, seemed to be gravitating toward this “tolerance” in order to fulfill an idea that it’s what a man would really want or what would happen anyway. It really made me think, while some women are bargaining and lowering their standards to get/keep a man, some men are actually holding themselves to higher standards and giving that to the women who demand it.

On “Love & Hip-Hop” over the past few weeks, we saw a few exchanges concerning Emily and Fabulous’ “relationship”. In one episode, Fab’s former assistant Winter pretty much told Emily to “suck it up” and deal with the fact that Fab is an infidel. She gave her quite a few reasons why it’s “okay” to extend a pass to Fab while he’s living the life of an entertainer: a) Emily knew what kind of man he was when they got involved, b) the life of an entertainer came with certain vices and to enjoy the luxuries she had to deal with those and c) since she couldn’t just be a with “regular” dude, she should find herself some hobbies while he was off playing. The following week, Chrissy spoke about the trials of being with men in the industry and her “realism” about “things happening”, but her spin encouraged Emily NEVER to settle for disrespect or disloyalty from her man.

Some women actually feel that cheating is a part of the package whether dating a superstar or a regular Joe Blow. They have come to accept that infidelity is GOING TO happen, so they try to remove the sting by pretending that they are ok with it, or even giving out “passes” to their mates to step outside the relationship in the name of being “open”. Well, I don’t care how beautiful a floor mat may be, it’s still walked upon. If you lay down and allow yourself to be abused, even the nicest guy will take the deal that you offer. And I don’t know any person who wants to be walked on. That’s not love…from them or for yourself.

STAND UP. Demand better. Be better. You’ll have better. Don’t give into these crazy notions that suggest you have to be unhappy or disrespected to have a partner. The folks who are in these sideways relationships aren’t telling you the whole truth. Yes, they have partners, but they also have HELL too. Decide that you deserve better.

Have you ever given out a “hall pass”? Ever been given one? Did you use it? What was your experience upon “returning” to he relationship?

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